


Risky Business

by shinsein4



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, it's vrisrezi, strip club and college au, there will be smut, there's probably gonna be some angst but this is primarily a romance fic, there's some mentions of them having sex while in high school so that could count as underage, this is vriska centric so it'll only have vriska's POV unless i decide otherwise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-02-09 00:49:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12876627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinsein4/pseuds/shinsein4
Summary: You're Vriska Serket and you've never seen a blind girl pole dance.





	1. A Vriska of Many Talents

**Author's Note:**

> This started off as a joke that made me laugh while I was half asleep. And then I told my girlfriend about it the next day. She convinced me to write it and today this little fic baby was born. It's basically going to follow Vriska struggling with expressing her feelings and learning to love like a normal person. It wont go THAT deep because, well, I'm not an expert at this shit. But it'll go deep enough. 
> 
> It's Vriska centric so it'll be developing her with pretty much only her POV and you can just assume that Terezi developed/develops in the background lmao which she has and does. It probably won't really be much of a slow burn so you can expect some spice soon and not like 35 chapters down the line. Mainly because this fic wont BE 35 chapters. Unless I come down with some REALLY good plot shit. 
> 
> I think it's necessary to say that I'm actually new to Homestuck and have not completed reading it yet. In fact, I'm like nowhere near close according to the GF. So, pllleaaassee, refrain from saying anything that can count as a spoiler for anything beyond when Caliope is murdered by Caliborn. I'm passed that point but that's a good point of reference to make sure no one spoils anything.
> 
> I'm going to try to update this regularly but I might have trouble from time to time. I have a vague idea of where I want it to go so, if you become invested, don't worry.
> 
> Also feel free to critique. Just don't rip my work apart, please.
> 
> Enjoy! c:

You aren’t really sure why you’re doing this. Who are you kidding? You don’t have to be sure; you’re Vriska Serket and no one asks for explanations from you, not even you! But it might also have to do with the fact that Rose Lalonde practically dared you. You walk through the entrance to Pail o’ Love, the town’s local club, wondering briefly if you should avoid touching any of the walls. You then grudgingly admit that the building is surprisingly fancy. The walls are covered in various shades of purple, the neon lights hanging from the ceiling casting a glow over the room you’ve entered. You roll your eyes. The place is obviously heavily inspired by Lalonde’s preferred wardrobe colors. 

“Well, well, well, Serket,” a voice murmurs from behind you, “I’d like to admit that I didn’t expect you to show up, but let’s face the facts. You’re a sucker for anyone daring you to do, well, _anything_.”

“Shut up, Lalonde,” you grouse, unsettled as you turn around to face the woman in question, “Stop pretending as if your ‘dare’ wasn’t a thinly veiled attempt to fetch some business for this dump.”

The grin that pulls Rose’s cheeks up would convince anyone that you hadn’t just insulted her place of employment. You try to pretend that the place very obviously doesn’t need the extra customers. The place stunk of the richer side of the city. Your dilapidated apartment would be rolling in its metaphorical grave it knew you were cheating on it with such a, ugh, nice building. If it was sentient to begin with, that is. 

“That dump you’re referring to is the most successful club in this county, let alone any of our neighboring counties,” a new voice pipes up.

Kanaya Maryam practically floats out of the room to the left, placing herself behind Rose and winding her arms around the girl. You briefly look inside and see a runway ending in a platform topped with a shiny, white pole. You try not to balk at a woman you can vaguely see sliding sensually around the pole. You’re Vriska Serket and you’re no prude!

“You’re a stripclub now?” You question, your voice higher than you’d like to admit. So you don’t.

Kanaya shrugs. “We are still your average club. The recent renovations provided us with more than your average club’s experience, however. So, I suppose, you can say we are not your average club. We have dancers now, the employed kind.”

You squint at her, wondering what the fuck she’s trying to say to you. You take it at face value and just shove your hands into your pockets; Maryam was never the best at just answering a yes or no question. You reflect on why you made friends with the owners of a fucking stripclub but figured it was inevitable since you’ve been friends since childhood. They’re an odd bunch and you’re kinda stuck with them. They tend to feed you on an almost daily basis. 

You aren’t really sure where to go from here. You don’t have to wonder for too long because Lalonde looks like a cheshire cat.

“Since you’re here, Vriska,” she draws the a out in your name long enough to make you consider strangling her.

She trods over to you, wrangling you into her grasp and leading you into the room the three of you had just been talking about. Your already stormy disposition grows into a hurricane as you glare at her. In true Rose fashion, she fails to notice. Or rather just ignores it altogether. Kanaya simply allows Rose to drag you around, the woman tending to her own business behind what you assume is the business counter of the establishment.

“I’m going to get right down to it, Vriska, since I already knew you’d come. I’ve arranged a surprise for you.”

What had you done in a past life to deserve this? 

“You see, there’s a transfer student that just moved into town. You proooobbbably don’t know her. She hasn’t started classes yet at your university but I’ve made arrangements and-” the way Rose titters makes you think that you do know the student and you interrupt her.

“Spit it out, Lalonde. Where are you taking me?” You growl at her, ignoring the sweat that’s budding on the back of your neck. You also ignore the rising anxiety as you pick up a bit of fishiness to this situation.

“As I was saying before you rudely interrupted me, Serket, I have made arrangements and I think you will be quite pleased. You will have a private room with our new dancer. Oh, she also happens to be this new exchange student. Perhaps, you’ll bond over your majors?”

Rose cackles and you feel like you may start seeing flashes of your entire life before your eyes while meeting an untimely death. 

Rose pulls you past the tables filled with patrons hooting at the girl twisting around them in what looks like an intricate dance. Your treck stops before a deep green door labeled “413”. You squint. What the fuck does 413 mean? This place doesn’t even have 413 rooms!

Before you can judge the number more, Rose swings the door open and hauls you inside. For such a small woman, her grip is like steel. You rub your upper arm as she lets go of it. She walks past you to fiddle with the comfy-looking couch before your view. The room is red, the carpet plush and a deep blue. You imagine that without the dull lights, it would probably be garrish in its brightness.

“Sit down and make yourself comfortable,” Lalonde offers generously, gesturing towards the couch as she shoves some lavender pillows out of the way.

You figure that at this point you have nothing to lose. You haul ass over to her offered piece of furniture. With gusto, you fall back into it and level Lalonde with a suspicious stare. 

“You gonna tell me what game you’re playing at by any chance?” You ask, not really expecting an answer.

Lalonde simply offers a serene smile, making a lip-zipping motion followed by her throwing away an invisible key. This is what makes you feel like you’ve really stepped in it. 

“Just try to enjoy yourself, Serket, and try not to ruin the night. Or our furniture, please.”

You watch the woman leave, wondering if you could bolt out of the room and beat her to the exit before she catches hold of you. You give that thought up in an instant, recollecting when you had deeply upset Kanaya in front of her back in high school. She’d caught up to you in seconds as you fled and then beat your ass. You grimace. You’d had that blackeye for two weeks. Lalonde can throw a punch to stop the hardest bitch.

Your thoughts are forced to a stop as you hear a door open in the back of the room. Your eyes flicker to the shadows in the back and you can see someone stepping into view, red boots reflecting the dim lights of the ceiling. Your eyes travel up the form, wrapped in the sauciest red and teal getup you’ve ever seen.

Your mouth immediately goes dry as your eyes stop on the woman’s face. Your mind immediately lights up in ways that you can either, A, escape, or B, find Rose Lalonde and beat the everloving shit out of her stupid, grinning face. You know, hopelessly, that both are horrible ideas and would never work.  
Terezi Pyrope, your high school flame (you’d never admit that you only ever antagonized her because you couldn’t deal with your absolute, flaming gay awakening), walks into the room. You’d recognize those awful fashion statement of a pair of glasses and that red hair anywhere. You wish you had some sort of stick to stop her from strutting closer to you.

You also really, really hope that she can’t hear how fucking hard your heart is slamming against your chest. You’re caught between fleeing and letting your eyes linger on the exposed skin of her belly. It’s when she’s a couple steps from you that she stops, her brow furrowed in what must be confusion at the silence.

You’re struck with the thought that you didn’t know blind girls could pole dance. Then you’re struck with the anger that you’re finally grateful for arriving instead of this bullshit, adolescent embarrassment. You pull your big girl pants back on and shove your anxiety and totally not budding arousal down into the back of your mind where you can pretend this night never happened later. 

You then wonder if maybe you hadn’t pulled those big girl pants back on, if you could have said something cleverer because the first thing that comes out of your mouth after three years is a casual, “Long time no see, Pyrope,” which you then add on with, “Didn’t know blind girls could dance. Is that a new thing?”

Recognition, horror, embarrassment, anger, relief, and a multitude of other emotions fight for dominance on her face as you beat yourself up internally. She seems to settle on anger and incredulity.

“ _You’re_ the one Rose has been giggling about all evening?” 

You decide that you can work with disbelief and anger. Disbelief and anger is way better than confronting all of your conflicted feelings. So, you settle in a more comfortable position, tossing one leg over the other and spreading your arms along the back of the couch.

“Are you not happy to see your favorite girl from high school?” 

You mentally pat yourself on the back. That was good, Vriska. That was smooth. You narrow your eyes at the woman in front of you as she lets out a loud scoff. 

“Shut up, Vriska. Stop pretending as if you weren’t also unaware of this arrangement,” Terezi bares her teeth at you.

“Whatever.” You cross your arms and avert your gaze. 

The air between you is silent for a few moments. You hear shuffling and when you look towards Terezi, you realize she’s making her way to the exit. Before you can talk some sense into yourself, you’re reaching out to her.

“Where do you think you’re going?” You ask.

“I’m leaving. I’m not doing this again, Vriska.”

Is that hurt in her voice? You swallow hard, your throat bobbing. Suddenly, you’re back in eleventh grade and Terezi has you pressed against the wall of your room. Haphazardly placed posters crumple from behind your back and beneath her palms. Her grin is sharp and even sharper on your neck. The both of you are intertwined and it seems like your minds are connected. 

Terezi was your first. And she was also your last. And when she started to talk about genuine feelings that ranged to anything beyond mutual scorn, you ran. You’re also no better at feelings today. You still remember the screaming match you had that night in your room, unable to admit to her the reasons for your antagonism throughout your time together in and out of school. 

It didn’t much matter either. A week later, you were expelled from school for violent actions against another student. Terezi refused to speak to you afterwards. It didn’t help that the violent actions were taken against her friend, your friend. 

Two years later and now she’s walking out the door and you can’t bring yourself to let this be the last time you see her again. 

“Wait, Terezi,” you halt because you’re unused to ever having called her anything other than Pyrope most days.

But it garners her attention because she stops. She must hear _something_ in your voice for when she turns around, you feel like she isn’t going anywhere now. You wonder if she had a weak will to leave to begin with, if she is just as jarred right now as you are.

“There’s, uh, no reason why we can’t at least enjoy tonight,” you mumble and when the woman twitches, you brace yourself and speak more boldly. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is and show me what a blind girl can do?”

You know that she will rise to the challenge. You can see it on her face. Just like you, she’s always been a sucker for a dare. Especially when you’re the challenger. Your stomach tightens as she walks to you, stopping in front of your filthy, boot-cladden feet. She regards you for a few seconds and whatever last resolve she had within her to leave, you see shatter in her expression.

“Well?” You ask, wiggling on the couch for show despite the fact that she can’t see it.

Terezi moves in closer to you than you’ve had her in years. You’re trying desperately to ignore the fact that her closeness has just as much of an effect on you now as it did in high school. You feel your heart twinge in ways that you don’t want anyone to ever know. Yep, just like high school.

She straddles your thighs, her palms coming to station beside each of your shoulders and imprisoning you between her arms.You think your eyes must almost fall out of their sockets and you’re suddenly and incredibly glad the woman is blind. The way Terezi’s hips move has your eyes glued to her. She’s gyrating over your thighs in a slow, sensual movements. You can’t look away, almost hypnotized by the way she circles you.

You realize you haven’t been breathing since she placed herself atop you. You release a shuddering breath, failing to hide how shaken Terezi has you in this position. You know this is a mistake when a familiar, sharp grin slaps itself onto her face. She moves closer into your personal bubble and you think that your bubble has never been all that personal when it comes to Terezi. She’s always been in it even when she isn’t around. You feel like the biggest loser who hasn’t been laid in, like, forever. And you haven’t. 

The last girl you’d been with is on top of you. 

Terezi’s grin only widens when she moves her face closer to yours. “Is this the kind of money-where-your-mouth-is demonstration you were looking for?”

She smells good. She smells like cherry and everything sweet that’s red and you try not to groan. You try not to feel your hammering heartbeat or feel the butterflies that only Terezi could give you even when you tried so hard to hate each other. You notice she’s trembling in the slightest and you see the same confliction in her eyes, beneath the glasses slipping down her nose, that you’re currently facing yourself. 

God, you tried so fucking hard to hate Terezi. You tried so hard to antagonize her, to kiss her hard enough; anything to show her you weren’t head-over-heels for her. You couldn’t fucking handle your feelings because when has anyone ever shown you how to? You tried so hard to keep her wrapped around your finger so you wouldn’t lose her. She played your games; she loved them. For a time, at least. You fed her fire with yours to keep her near and she fed your own flame. You were like two forces of the opposite sides of some scuffed-up coin, feeding off of each other’s energies. But, as always, you squeezed too tight, so tight, as if it could be enough to keep this hidden treasure - hidden to your own psyche - from escaping. And she _did_ escape. You went too far with her friend, with your friend, with Tavros. Then in the most fittingly Vriska way, you failed to explain why you did all of those things, why you were-are-were-are so fucked up inside. 

What had hurt most was that you _know_ she knew. That she _still_ knows.

As if sensing your internal battle and the stricken look on your face, Terezi’s fingers graze your cheeks. You gently flinch and scold yourself. You’re staring at Terezi, weary of her next move. You’re both regarding each other, eyes boring into one another. You wonder if Terezi has always felt as chained to you as you had-have to her. 

You allow yourself a very brief moment of weakness and let yourself hope that perhaps when her resolve to leave broke, it meant that this time she’ll stay. You’re trying so desperately to hide how much you have missed her with the way you’re leaning into her touch. You aren’t known for being soft even when you’re pretty sure she had always been awake as you stroked your fingers through her hair the few nights she’d slept in your bedroom. 

You’re Vriska Serket. Your best talent is lying to yourself.

Her palm is flush with your cheek and you hadn’t realized how much of the space between you had become non-existent. You can feel her breath on your lips. For a millisecond of a moment, you see the storm of a battle in Terezi’s expression.

And then her lips are pressed to yours. They’re hot and moving against your frozen ones with a fervor that lets you know in all the words she’d never say to you now, that her train of thought had been mirroring yours. Suddenly, all of your motor functions are not yours, and your hands are in her hair, keeping her lips glued to yours.

You’re kissing her hard and it’s the kind of hard that you don’t know anything about. Because the kind of hard you’re familiar with is the bruising kind, and not the kind that screams _I missed you. I needed you. Don’t go._

You hate yourself for this. You hate that she knows. You hate that you only realize how dull and shitty these years had been without her, in this moment. You hate that you don’t know how to deal with the feelings storming in your stomach, in your chest, in your brain. 

You’re Vriska Serket. Your second best talent is fucking up.

You jolt backwards from Terezi, your lips parting from hers with a wet pop. You’re breathing hard and you leap to your feet, Terezi stumbling off of you and landing her fall on the couch. 

“I…” the word stumbles out of your mouth quickly and roughly. It’s for nought, however, because you can’t bring yourself to finish it in your mini panic attack.

Your feet are carrying you out of the room faster than your mind can catch up. Your face is stormy in a way that isn’t custom. It’s stormy with confusion and fear. You’ve always held onto those close to you too tight. Too tight in the wrongest ways. _You don’t know how to hold softly._

You’re out of that building in seconds flat, ignoring the calls of concern from Lalonde and Maryam. You’re so out of your mind in this moment, that you completely forget that you have a car and drove it to the place to begin with. 

You don’t know when you’d started to fear adventure, to be completely honest. You know that Terezi has always been an adventure, has always been a risk to your sanity. Your heart clenches and you just don’t _understand._

You’re Vriska Serket. And, today, your third best talent is steering clear of risky business.


	2. Big Mac Feelings Jam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya breaks in to force Vriska into sharing her feelings. And by break in, I mean she coaxes the wild Vriska out of her cave with McDonalds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I told myself I'd be writing the second chapter within the first week of uploading the first chapter. And then I proceeded to not do exactly that for like a month. Honestly, what a power move against myself. 
> 
> This one doesn't have Terezi in it because sometimes we need fillers to add to the plot and shit but Terezi will definitely be in the next one. Enjoy!

“Vriska, will you please open the door?”

To say you’d been cooped up in your apartment for the last two days brooding would be an understatement. You’d retreated back to your place once you’d been able to think at the very least eight coherent thoughts. Kanaya had been here for about five minutes attempting to get you to open up.

You just _know_ she wants to talk about feelings and feelings sucky suck suck, man. You’ve been doing everything in your power to avoid thinking about smooth thighs propped over your own and red lips sucking yours. You also TOTALLY didn’t cry at least once in the couple of minutes you’d allowed yourself to sink into a self hatred party. Vriska Serket doesn’t cry! 

But in the quietest hours of the night you’d let yourself reminisce over how you suck and fuck everything up. You’re terrified and you’re angry at yourself. Why couldn’t you just react like a normal person? Why are you so fucking useless? You desire Terezi in more ways than just one and you’re so utterly horrible at admitting that to yourself in a normal, healthy way.

“Vriska!”

You release a long, suffering groan. You really don’t want to deal with this now or ever. You’re fantastic at avoiding what is best for you. 

“Go away, Maryam. Me and Spidermom are having a bonding session.” You shout back to Kanaya.

Spidermom is the name you’ve given to your pet tarantula. You’ve got her crawling on your arm at the moment, watching her little limbs scramble along it. One time, you begrudgingly attended counseling at the behest of Kanaya. Your therapist suggested you purchase a pet spider after you’d admitted to fearing them because they reminded you of your mother. You quit after that. You don’t need no doctor telling you what to do and how to feel! You totally bought the spider though.

You may have named the damn thing Spidermom, but you’re regretfully fond of the small creature. And you’re loathe to admit that it has helped a little bit in regards to your feelings towards your mother.

“Marvelous. Maybe you can place the thing back in its tank and have a bonding session with your best friend instead.” Kanaya’s voice is terse and you can tell she’s losing her patience.

Your jaw tenses and you’re grinding your teeth. You could let her in and suffer through her questions or you could stand here and tend to Spidermom. Gee, you wonder what the more appealing choice could possibly be. Kanaya’s voice interrupts your thoughts again and you’re fucked.

“I have food, Vriska.”

You guess you could let her in. Bluh. 

You place your pet back within her tank, watching her sluggishly move to something else of spidery interest. Stomping to the door with a sigh loud enough for Kanaya to hear, you maneuver around stray articles of clothing sorely missed by the laundry basket in your bedroom. 

You push your body against the door and haul it open, the slab of wood(piece of shit) needing to be wrangled from its position in the doorway. 

“Alright, Maryam. Get inside and we can start this feelings jam.” You grimace and glance at the firescape outside the closest window. If you tried to run, Kanaya would just arrive back here again tomorrow. The woman is irritatingly tenacious.

“Thanks,” Kanaya responds wryly, “How kind of you to let me in once I’ve mentioned food.”

“As if you didn’t mention food without the knowledge that it’d get me to let you in.”

Your stomach rumbles in agreement and you pap a hand over it a few times. Following Kanaya into your tiny kitchen, you watch her place bags of McDonalds on the table. You can smell your Big Mac and you’re ready for some grub. You realize momentarily that Lalonde isn’t here as you approach Kanaya.

“Where’s Rose? She doesn’t usually miss out on an attempt to dissect someone.” You cross your arms over your chest.

Kanaya looks flustered for a brief second and shrugs. “Rose is a bit exhausted. We had a long night.”

Your lip curls at the insinuation. “That’s fucking gross, Kanaya.” 

She shrugs again and has the ill decency to grin at you and you slightly hate how Rose has made the woman at least 50% less of a prude. You push past her and dig your hands into the fast food bag, prying your burger from its greasy depths. You smack your lips and grin.

“It’s just you and me, baby!” You coo at your food before sinking your teeth into it.

Kanaya watches you with thinly veiled disgust. She moves to take a seat across from you, taking a sip from what you figure is coffee. Booooooooring. Her face changes minutely but you see it instantly. You haven’t been friends since middle school for nothing. Your appetite dwindles just a little bit. 

“What happened?” 

You pretend to not know what she’s referring to. “I don’t know what you mean. What happened where? Here? You know I’m a slob, Kanaya. I ain’t got time to clean shit. I’m a busy woman.”

She doesn’t smile but instead levels you with a no-nonsense stare and you hate hate hate that it works on you. You’re such a goddamn sucker. Everyone’s a sucker for their overtly-mothering-friend Kanaya. You put down your burger and chew with your mouth open because you know it irks her. When you finally swallow, you’re scowling and looking at the floor.

“I fucked up, Kanaya,” you mumble. “Is that what you want to hear? I ran from her. We sucked face for a couple seconds and then I ran like a coward.”

Kanaya blinks as if she wasn’t expecting you to lay out the events of your reunion with Terezi. “I didn’t think Rose’s plan would be adequate for the both of you but it seems that, at the very least, it worked half way.”

Your eyebrows knit together and you throw your hands up, a little bit of ketchup flinging off of your fingers. Kanaya’s eyes follow the red goop with what you can see is a startlingly and impressingly repressed urge to clean it immediately. You’re still growling too much to be proud of her for not interrupting your conversation in order to take windex to the sauce.

“What the fuck do you mean? It ended in disaster. I don’t even know how you guys planned all of that out without me knowing!”

“Oh please, Vriska. You’re oblivious at best.” Kanaya laughs, her mouth behind her hand in an action you can tell Rose has rubbed off on her. 

“Fucking whatever. All I know is that whatever you planned ended in me running from her like a dipshit. She probably laughed her ass off.”

Kanaya’s smile fades and she looks at you inquisitively.

“You really think that she isn’t in a similar state to you right now? Vriska, you really are oblivious.”

You look away. You don’t actually believe Terezi laughed her ass off. Not after the brief moment you shared before you ran. Guilt eats at you, gnawing at your insides. You didn’t want to run. You didn’t want to be scared of ruining everything again. You don’t want to be scared of ruining everything again.

Kanaya tilts her head, studying you while you amble through your own thoughts. “Vriska, how are Aranea and Meenah?”

“What does my nerdfuck of a sister and her weird girlfriend have to do with any of this?” You’re shaking your head in confusion and irritation. You think that Rose’s idiotic riddles are rubbing off on Kanaya more than her physical mannerisms are. Kanaya continues after your annoyed question.

“They’re doing well, aren’t they? Even after all of that bouncing back and forth they did?”

“...Yeah?” You’re still not understanding her point here.

“Do you remember when neither of them could figure out that they desired a relationship with one another? What about when they finally did realize what they wanted? Meenah, and I quote this from you at the time, pissed her dumb fuschia pants and ran like a coward.”

Oh. Oh no. You are NOT like your sister’s loud, obnoxious girlfriend. The woman is unbearable! Except you DID run like a coward. And...and...fuck.

“Are you saying I want a relationship with Pyrope? And that I’m scared shitless of that?”

Kanaya rolls her eyes at you before pinning you with a raised eyebrow. “Vriska, if you could watch the both of you through everyone else’s eyes, you’d be just as frustrated as we are. When Terezi contacted both of us and told us she was moving back into town, we jumped at the opportunity to shove you two back together.”

“But why? I, fuck, I hurt her, Kanaya. I hurt her real bad.” You still remember her face when she found out about Tavros. You still remember your own face every single day afterwards when you looked in the mirror and remembered what you did.

“I think she forgave you a long time ago for that, Vriska. You’re both clearly trapped in each other’s orbits no matter what bad blood there was. You always have been and, frankly, I’m sick of seeing you brood eternally for the past three years. You may not notice it but I do. For God’s sake, remember that John kid? You called him Pyrope at least four times during the two weeks you both dated.

“I think it’s time you try to work through both of your issues with whatever emotional blocks you have and just accept that you both want and need each other.”

You’re Vriska Serket. You don’t need anyone.

You sigh. Okay, fine, you may need just one person. And she happens to be an annoying, ginger idiot. You place your head into your hands. What if you fuck up? What if you...what if you, _you don’t know!_ All you’re good for is fucking things up. How are you even going to manage actually working a decent relationship with Terezi?

“Vriska, no one’s asking you to jump into a romantic relationship with Terezi. Why don’t you just try to actually be friends with her again?”

Friends. You...you can do friends. You and Terezi were friends sometimes back in high school. You know, outside of the fucking and brawling. But this time, maybe you can be actual friends? No anger, no denial, just friends. You’re a bit frightened to admit that you’re quite desperate to have her back in your life.

You’re breathing pretty heavily and Kanaya is the only person you’d let see you like this. Besides Terezi. Because she quite obviously saw you lose your shit while she was grinding into your lap. Yikes.

“It’s okay to be scared, Vriska.”

You hate that Kanaya understands. You hate that she knows why you have such a tough time loving. She was there throughout the worst years with your mother. You’re kinda grateful even though you despise being this obvious to anyone.

“Fine… I’ll try to be friends with her.” 

The smile that pulls Kanaya’s cheeks up makes you feel like you’re doing something right for once. She leans forward to pat you on the arm. You wearily watch her leave her chair and move over to your couch which happens to be the nicest thing you own. She hauls your school bag off of the white leather and carries it to the kitchen table. With a loud thump, the bag is slung onto the wooden surface.

“Now, get your ass out of this apartment and actually attend class. I think you’ll find that everything will fall into place from there.”

“What-” any question you could have is interrupted when Kanaya pulls you to your feet, pushes your bag into your hands, and shoves you out the door. You barely have time to grab your car keys.

“No questions. Your class starts in half an hour. Hop to it, Vriska. I’ll pack the food away for later.”

The door to your own apartment is shut in your face. You don’t understand how you can live here but still get kicked out on a daily basis whenever Kanaya forces you to go outside. Your shoulders slump and you sling your bag over them. You really really really don’t want to attend classes today. But it’s not like Kanaya would let you back in at this point. You’ve been missing all of your classes for the past two days. 

You’re left wondering what she could possibly mean by everything falling into place just by attending class. Nothing interesting could possibly happen in your shitty Philosophy class. Again, you’re hit with the same suspicion as when Rose wrangled you around the club. 

Whatever the case, you _know_ you’re in for a long day.


	3. insert chapter here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes  
> I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind  
> The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out  
> You left me in the dark  
> No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight  
> In the shadow of your heart  
> -Cosmic Love, Florence and the Machine

You kinda, like, really hate winter. Mostly because your car sucks and takes so long to heat up that you might as well not turn the heat on at all. So you shiver like a little bitch on the fifteen minute ride to Alternian University.

You screech into the parking lot and manage to park crookedly across two parking spots. It’s not like anyone will need the handicapped spot next to you. Tavros crosses your mind and you cringe violently. You’re not going to think about how you swiftly recorrected your car as the high school boy tackled your memory. Not that he could, you know, tackle anymore when he was in high school. 

You shut your brain down and scramble out of your car. You glance at your phone. You were running on time before you chose to procrastinate in your car for a couple minutes before revving off. Whatever. Showing up late is fashionable. You think Lalonde would probably agree.

Your campus is fairly green, the large set of buildings placed upon fertile grass with circles of trees marking little areas to sit upon benches. Before you embarrassingly got serious about education, you used to skip classes and play with bugs in the more secluded areas near those tree-circles. Just kidding. You totally don’t play with bugs like a five year old…. Much.

Walking through the interior of your school, you drag your feet passed paintings on display belonging to art students. You reluctantly pull yourself down the hallway to your class, a full twenty minutes late. Lookin’ good, Serket. Lookin’ good. 

Your Chem class is marked by a green door and a cardboard cutout of a mitochondria (you aren’t sure what mitochondria really have to do with chem but whatever). Fuck yeah. The powerhouse of the cell. Just like you’re the powerhouse of the gays. You chuckle inwardly. Now if only you could actually be a decent gay and learn to deal with your feelings that you totally don’t have.

You swing the door open loudly because only you can make an entrance to sear into the memories of these fools. The professor halts in her lecture and turns to level you with a glare. You and Mrs. Mendicant aren’t the best of friends but that’s fine, you do well enough in this class anyway. She’s lucky you even show up. 

“Thank you for showing up, Ms. Serket.” 

“Anytime!”

Maybe you’re pushing it but it’s just who you are. You can’t help it. Your professor braces herself against her desk and slightly fixes the angle of a photograph of, you guess, her dog. She begins to address you and at the same time knock you onto your ass, metaphorically, of course. Vriska Serket doesn’t lose her balance in front of an audience.

“Perhaps if you’d arrived earlier, your lab partner wouldn’t have had to relocate himself. This works out, however. Meet our new student, Ms. Serket. Terezi Pyrope, will you raise your hand please so Ms. Serket may find her new lab partner.”

“What?” You gasp. 

You did NOT mean to say that outloud. Fuck. Shit. FUCK. Now how are you supposed to avoid your problems? And...and your, ugh, _feelings_.

You turn to face the class, waiting with dead eyes for Mendicant to continue. And she does while your eyes fall on one vicious grin spreading the cheeks of Terezi Pyrope. And God, it’s all falling into place. _Terezi_ is the exchange student Rose wouldn’t shut up about. By what fucked up luck did she get placed into your chem class?

You feel like you’re walking into a lion’s mouth with the way she’s grinning like that. You sit down next to her stiffly, your bag clunking to the floor. How do you even greet her after your tongue had been two milliseconds from surfing down her throat? Without your permission, your eyes dart to her body as if double-checking to see if she was wearing that skimpy getup that she had on in the club.

You only realize you’ve been staring for a good fifteen seconds when the heat from your cheeks becomes slightly too obvious for your skin’s own good. And Terezi happens to clear her throat at the same time. Astute timing as always, Pyrope, you think dryly. 

“Well, well, well. Small world, huh?” Her voice is thick with amusement.

“How did you get into my class?”

“I stalked you as soon as I moved back into town.” Terezi whispers conspiratorially, her tone joking and teasing.

“I wouldn’t put it past you, Pyrope. You’re a creep.”

“Weren’t saying that when I was riding your lap.”

Your jaw drops open and then snaps shut with a click that you hate because by the widening of her grin, she totally hurt it and put two and two together. You swallow thickly because you’ve been trying really hard not to think about a half-naked Terezi on top of your lap. It’s been hard. Almost as hard as not thinking about how much you totally want her. Fuck, you didn’t just think that. Get it together, Serket!

“Shut up! Why are you even working in Kanaya’s stripclub anyway?” You try to subtly change the subject.

“Okay, well, first. It’s Porrim’s strip-”

“Details!”

“Fine, fine. Impatient as ever. When I was planning on moving back, I contacted Kanaya. Not many places will hire a blind girl. Kanaya is a friend and Porrim is her sister and they don’t discriminate. They let you in there don’t they?”

Your eye twitches and you ignore the twinge in your heart at the teasing because she’s always been so good at teasing you. You’re secretly pleased that it hasn’t changed. Just like you’re secretly really into her. You know, in the gross kinda-maybe-girlfriend way. You’ve always been interested in her like that. You were-are just a huge bitch and you don’t know how to deal with any good feelings. Your mother made damn sure of that. You switch your mindtrain onto a different track to avoid the darkness beginning to overwhelm your thought process.

“Enough about my career choices. What are you majoring in?” She asks you and you raise your eyebrows a little.

“Biology.”

“What, really?”

She sounds surprised and you wonder if she sees you differently than the confused, rebellious girl you were in high school. Okay, you’re still totally confused, but you’d like to think that you’ve improved in your responsibility. A little.

“You know I always pictured you as a petty thief, always running from the cops. You know, since you’re so good at running away.”

You’re shocked at her willingness to throw barbs at you concerning your tendencies to flee when in tight situations with her. You’re kinda impressed and it manages to clear your mind a little bit. Her jaw is tense and you can tell she threw it out there with the tendency to do just that. And that maybe you running out of that room hurt her a bit. You purse your lips. You don’t want to hurt her anymore. But you’re still terrified. Kanaya was right, though. You don’t have to rush into anything. You could...just be friends with her.

Your eyes are pinned to her lips. Yeah. Um, just friends. You run your fingers through your hair and tap the table softly.

“Touche, Pyrope. I’m...um, sorry. I just...I-look-”

You fail to realize that you’re about to have a kinda gay heart-to-heart in the middle of class until your professor’s voice slices through the moment.

“How would you two feel about continuing your conversation outside of my class? Shut up or get out.” Mendicant looks like she’s a bit fed up with your shit today.

Terezi leans closer to you. 

“Look, why don’t you meet me at the park? The one that’s a block from the club. You know the one that’s across from the pizzeria? I can have a friend drop me off.” She whispers into your ear quietly, cupping a hand around her mouth as if it’ll matter when Mendicant is still waiting for your silence.

“Deal. Be there at three, okay? My classes end at two. Enter the park and just keep going straight along the path. When I see you I’ll call out, okay?”

The pleased smile that perks up her lips makes you blush like an idiot. Wow, you’re really in for it, aren’t you?

\-----

You’re sitting on a wooden bench watching some fat squirrels wobble around a tree trunk. They’re always fattest around this time of year. You guess they probably have to be because it’s cold as fucking hell. You’re glad that you actually grabbed a heavier coat before you left your apartment. It’s your favorite color and has the fluffiest lining. 

Your foot is tapping the brick pathway beneath you; your inner anxiety is beginning to show. Terezi would be here soon and you’re not sure what to say that wouldn’t end up coming out in word vomit. You know she probably wouldn’t give a fuck but you’d still like to maintain at least a little bit of your dignity. You also know that she probably won’t accept more excuses and wants you to be honest with yourself. Terezi isn’t stupid. You’re sure she knows relatively well how you feel.

You sigh and kick away a pebble that is in turn kicked back to you by approaching feet. You look up and see the object of your thoughts making her way down the path. Her expression is peaceful. You think she looks lost in her environment, listening to the rustle of wind through the bare branches and the calling of birds that brace the cold for food. You’re caught in admiring her face before you know it, and it’s really gay and dumb, but you’re doing it anyway. You just barely catch her before she walks straight past you.

“Pyrope, to your right.” You call out weakly.

She blinks and a grin pulls up her cheeks. She moves in your general direction and her cane eventually hits the metal of the bench’s leg. It rings loudly like a bell declaring her arrival and the arrival of your pending conversation. She plops down sloppily on the seat next to you and kicks her feet like a child.

The air between the two of you is silent for a little while, both of you content to just sit and prolong the inevitable. You decide you mine as well break the silence. You know, since you’ve decided to end your running and...yeah. 

You break the silence with an awkward clearing of your throat and a murmured _soooooooo_.

Terezi rolls her eyes. “Still a loser, I see.”

You scoff at her and begin to retort but she asks a question you aren’t expecting.

“Why biology?”

You tilt your head, a little confused. “I...I don’t know. I guess it started when I was a kid? I always liked playing with bugs and stuff. I want to know how they work and how other things in life like that work, too.”

She nods, seemingly satisfied with your answer, and responds to your curiosity over her question. “It was just a surprise when you told me in class. I guess I never saw you as a biologist but now, I can see it.”

The both of you are silent again for a couple moments. You’re kicking dirt with the toe of your boots, wondering when she’ll get to the point. She does in the next few moments.

“Why did you run?”

Your brow is crumpled, preparing for the onslaught of emotion that you like to push down. You brush your fingers through your bangs, pushing them back. You try to explain yourself the best you can.

“If you mean in high school, I was scared. I barely knew who I was. I’m not sure if I even know now. My mother was smothering me and I could barely think for myself in that house. I didn’t know how to deal with what I was feeling.”

“Feeling about what? Why didn’t you just confide in me? Why couldn’t you tell me all of that then?”

She’s bombarding you with questions and the floodgates of your thoughts and emotions is cracking and you know that you can’t lie now or make excuses. You don’t even want to this time.

“I didn’t know how to, Terezi. I don’t know how to still. I’m barely doing this. I didn’t know how to tell you what I was experiencing and how I didn’t know how to escape her clutches or how to reign in every bit of anger and...and I just didn’t know how to handle any of it, let alone what I was feeling besides the anger!”

“Feeling what? Why did you run the other day?” She’s trying to get something out of you but you’re on a roll and, damn, if you’re about to stop.

You’re standing suddenly with your hands in your pockets and pacing. Terezi doesn’t seem to mind. She can’t stare at you but her face vaguely follows the directions that the sounds of your movements originate from with each momental pace.

“I was terrified. I am terrified. How do I deal with this? How does anyone deal with feelings? With wanting things like this. Why didn’t mom teach me that? Why did she just have to teach me survival and barely that? I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do or how to do it, Terezi. And I just _feel_ when I don’t want to.”

You vaguely register that you’re sort of avoiding a singular question she’s been asking and now you’re just spitting out all of this.

“Vriska, you aren’t alone. No one’s coming to rush you through progress, through feeling. I just...I want to help. I always have. I’ve always understood, I think. I just...we were young and fucking stupid. We’re still young and stupid, Vriska. But I want to be young and stupid with you,” She realizes what she’s saying and sputters, cheeks red. “I mean…- I… I just...listen, you probably don’t even feel the same and I’m sorry but I haven’t not thought of you for a single day since we stopped speaking.”

You’re staring at her and your heart is frozen in fear and need. How do you accept? How do you tell her you want to be fucking young and stupid with her too but you’re scared and you don’t know how to do fucking anything!

“I’m scared. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to work with this feeling”

Your voice is showing your desperation and your frustration is rising as she begins to ramble with you, expressing her own desires and doubting your own.

“How the fuck do you deal with these feelings?” You screech, not understanding what you’re trying to ask but the sentence coming out anyway.

“Feel _what_ , Vriska? Feel _what_?!”  
Her blank eyes are wide and desperate and your voice leaves you in a shout. Your hands are in the air, gesturing wildly to a woman who can’t see. Your breath leaves a cloud of white, dispersing into the air swifty with your voice.

“Love! How do you deal with feeling love! Love, love, love! Because I sure the fuck don’t know how to! I don’t know how to love right! I don’t know how to do anything romantic right! And every single fucking day from the moment you left I can’t fucking shake you! I can’t shake you or this feeling that makes my heart do stupid shit!”

She’s been silenced by your shout and you’re breathing rapidly and you totally aren’t going to fucking cry of anything. She stands and you can tell she means to approach you, so you meet her half way and you’re both standing foot to foot.

“Why couldn’t you just fucking tell me that, Vriska? Did you think I didn’t love you, too?” Her breath brushes across your face.

“How do I deal with still loving you?”

It’s out of your mouth before you can stop it. Your words are reflected by Terezi, though.

They’re reflected when she leans forward and smashes her lips against yours and you’re both gulping in each other. Your lips are turned warm by Terezi’s and you wonder how she can quell every bit of you with just her lips. You pull apart from her with a hefty breath that mingles with her own.

“We deal with it together. We deal with still loving each other together. And this time we do it right.”

You think your eyes are probably filled with wonder. How could she just think that so clearly when your own mind is fuddled with storm clouds of confusion. She manages to stomp down some of your fear and before you can even voice concerns, she interrupts you.

“We don’t have to rush into anything, Vriska. We start as friends, okay?”

You wonder if Kanaya got to Terezi too with her feelings jam. But then you realize that this is all Terezi. She’s always been the reasonable one. You think that your luck today must be eightfold because she managed to desire the same thing you did: friendship as a start.

“Let’s fight your fear together.”

This time it’s you who is smashing your lips against hers. It’s the only way you can show your gratitude right now; the only way you can express how grateful you are that she understands. Maybe this time you can do this right with her. You think that just maybe you might.  
Terezi parts from you, looking winded and amused, “Okay. That’s not what friends do but that’s fine.”

You lick your lips and realize that she’s right. Friends don’t kiss each other like that. They also don’t give each other lap dances. You flush and avert your eyes. It’s not like you kissing her will knock you both out of whack. You pushing Tavros down a flight of stairs and denying your own feelings to Terezi is what knocks you both out of whack. You definitely won’t be doing that anymore.

“Thank you.” You breathe. 

The answering smile lights up her face and you stare at her for a few suspicious seconds. She steps back from you and picks up her cane. You ignore the disappointment at the absence of her shared heat.

“No, thank you, Vriska,” Terezi grins at you, and you can see the relief on her face, “As much as I’d love to revel in this newfound friendship, I told Kanaya I’d help stock the bar and then I have a shift afterwards.”

“An, um, pole dancing thingy shift?” You question. Totally not suspicious.

“What else?”

You decide not to answer that giving you a lap dance is the what else. You ponder about how a blind girl can pole dance but you guess a pole is just another cane to her. You wonder if that’s rude but your wonderings pause when you think about Terezi in that outfit and dancing around a pole.

“Maybe I’ll stop by.” You offer, trying not to sound even more suspicious.

“Maybe you should.”

She might be just as bad at this only friendship shit as you are because, wow. You grin at her and flip your hair a bit over your shoulder.

“I guess we’ll see, Pyrope. Want some company while you wait for your ride-for-nerds?”

The two of you snap back into teasing and banter instantly and you think that fits you both best.

“I guess I could go for some company. Even if you are a loser. Just don’t tell anyone we hung out, got it?”

You grin at her and walk back towards her, your boots clomping down on the bricks. You both sit back on the bench. As Terezi turns towards you and begins to ramble about some tabletop game that involves dragons, you realize how much you’ve needed and desired this; how much you’ve needed and desired this for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this took so fucking long. On a side note, I didn't really proof read. GF did but I didn't. I'm tired and I want to go to bed after being in class all day. On another side note, there's an inconsistency in chapter one and two where I mention that it's been a couple years after high school for the main characters. In one chapter I think I said two years and in the other I said three. Just assume they all graduated at age 19 and it's been two years since then. Not that important but I thought I should mention it because I'm too lazy to go back to change it. 
> 
> I made Vriska a bio major because idk I'm a bio major and fuck if i know anything about any other major without taking the time to research it and god knows I ain't doing that. I guess she'd make an okay bio major. 
> 
> Questions, comments, concerns? Hit me with em.
> 
> Nighty night.


End file.
